Saturday, April 30, 2011

The Limits of Christian Charity?!?!

Let's face it. People are quite rude, I am quite rude, my children can be quite rude. Usually, I try to grin and bear it and think the best when someone snorts at me in the grocery line or harrumphs in church. But lately, I have been tested in ways I never thought possible.

Why? My burgeoning belly has begun to elicit the most ridiculous and rude comments and inquiries imaginable, particularly when I am out with my entire brood. I guess even down here in the South where 4 children is fairly socially acceptable 5 somehow surpasses the bounds of decency and they forget all about those manners their mommas drilled into them. Admittedly, my hormone surge makes me a little more ornery than normal. To quote a beloved cousin in law's term, I am a "grumpy pregnant woman." And perhaps, oh just perhaps, there's a tad bit of trepidation concerning the pending expansion of our family and my belly. BUT COME ON PEOPLE! THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK! If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. I generally answer something like, "Oh hahahaha, my husband and I are both from big families and we know what we are getting into!" or "We'll see what God gives us." But those answers don't satisfy people. They seriously want numbers, ages, college savings account balances. It is out of control.

It has really gotten to the point that I have had to contemplate that being "truly pro-life" means not slugging or killing the next person that asks me if I am "done." I know, deep down, that most of these people don't mean to be rude, they are just generally curious about it, like we're a circus sideshow or something. It is really the comments from fellow churchgoers that get me the most.

So, in the event I lose the ability to control myself here's my plan on how to answer these constant inquiries. My options:

a)Quote my friend's husband and say, "We'll stop when we get an ugly one!" That's the nice, funny answer that totally avoids the issue.

b)Quote my aunt's friend with a comment like, "Well, gosh, I don't know. How many do you think I should have??" and then stare at them blankly. And then if they still don't get it ask them exactly why they stopped at (insert number here) and if they were done. Sadly, I don't think throwing the question back at them would really get my point across.

c)Tell them I am single handily trying to save Social Security by increasing the number of future workers.

c)Get a belly tattoo with the quote "responsible parenthood is exercised, either by the deliberate and generous decision to raise a numerous family, or by the decision, made for grave (serious? You duke it out!) motives and with due respect for the moral law, to avoid for the time being, or even for an indeterminate period, a new birth" from 10th paragraph of Humanae Vitae which I will then flash at people when they ask me about my future plans. I will then remark, "this is how we are living responsible parenthood" and add a really charitable "Take that you nazi cow!" (Did I mention this is really, really getting to me?)

Thursday, April 28, 2011


I am fairly certain I am the only female in the free world who really doesn't care about the royal wedding. Sorry, I was never into the princess thing as a child and I have a daughter whose greatest ambition in life is to become a princess. So guess what? She doesn't even know about the royal wedding. I just can only take so much princessness. She doesn't need to be fed anymore. If she needs therapy when she's older, I will spring for it.