Needed to get the paper if you're 2

• Shoes (which you go all the way upstairs for and put on the wrong feet.)
• A baby doll
• A baby doll blanket
• Another baby doll
• And a lot of time because your shoes are on the wrong feet.

Michael Phelps eat your heart out.

It is pool season and the conqueror is into it! I told him he had to learn how to swim before he could learn how to ski and when he heard mom skied at 7 he's gung ho to give it a try if we make it up north.

Anyway, last year at the end of swim season I got them all these flotation suits from Speedo...knowing I would have 4 kids who didn't know how to swim and no hubby. Anyway, they are a big hit and #1 keeps telling everyone, "I HAVE A SPEEDO SUIT!" and I keep wanting to laugh because it sounds like he's talking about the real thing...ala the fat Europeans!

The Bean Eyed Monster

She's not a monster but she is jealous!!

Overheard- "I am going to take that baby away!" So I asked, "Where are you taking the baby?" She realizes she's busted at this point and says "To ice cream!" Yeah, nice save, but babies don't eat ice cream!

Again:
She points to her chubby cheeks.....and says "I want to put this face on the baby!" Meaning she wants to be the baby!

Because I think its funny and I dare someone to wear one....

The one above says: This is my career. It's fabulous.

Watch out....you might get one as a gift now that I know they exist! mollyanna.com

Bugs in Hell.

I think there must be insects in hell. Lots of them. Which is one of the reasons I don't want to go there. Biting, swarming insects are my idea of hell. You might ask what is it with me and insects? What have they done to me? Specifically what have they done to me since P. left? LOTS.

*Jumped out of my spice cabinet at scared the you know what out of me.
* Swam in my shower.
*Crawled out of my sink.
*Sent me to the ER.
*Invaded my front hall.

We just had a termite swarm. Can I just say it was disgusting and vile? And we are under termite protection. I think I am going to have permanent brain damage from my Raid usage and now my front porch has holes in it with termite poison. We're still waiting to find out on the structural damage angle. Those holes are not going to do anything for the resale value of my home. Grrr.

Thank goodness for my neighbor who had the Raid and for leftovers and corndogs for dinner. Because I can't both cook and deal with invasions at the same time.

Blonds have more fun.

Biki and I were sharing a moment after dropping off the conqueror. The baby was asleep and Beanie was back with a visiting aunt.

"Wow Bik! Today is your first day of summer vacation. This is going to be great. We'll do a little bit of homeschooling, a little bit of swim lessons. What do you want to accomplish this summer?"

There was a pause and then a very serious, definitive statement from the way back:
"Blond hair."

More Beanisms

"Mom, my eyes are cold."
"Huh?"
"My eyes are cold," she says as she stares into my sunglassed eyes at the Tball field.
"Oh, are you saying you want to wear my glasses?"
"Uh-huh. My eyes are cold!" Hands cover eyes.

"I am going to get married."
"To who?"
"To me!"
"You can't marry yourself."
"To dad!"
"Nope, he's already taken. I am married to dad."
"To Biki!"
"Nope, can't marry your sister either."
"TO ME!"
"Nope, you can't marry yourself."
Then she sort of sighs and walks off.

File under Kids say the darndest things...

As you might recall my kids love to hear the story of "when they were born." So, today after dropping off the conqueror Biki asked to hear hers. Well, I went through the usual parts, its all a rather sanitized version mind you, and then Biki stopped me after the part where she was born.

"You forgot the part when you check the rumpus to see if I was a boy or a girl!" Alrighty then! I can assure you all that I have NEVER inserted that into ANY of our stories!

Confusion

Beanie came in to tell me she was, yet again, "hunglee!" I asked her what she was hungry for and she replied, "I hunglee for me!" I think she's got what and who confused!

Biki's Bling

You know what Mom? I need a glorious, sparkly dress.

Really? Why do you need one? When would you wear a glorious, sparkly dress?

You know, to a birthday party or something.

**Wonder what kind of friends she's planning on having!

Soldier Appreciation

On Saturday we went to "Operation Augusta Cares," an event for military families, particularly those with parents deployed. There were moonbounces, bubbles, games, a magic show, and a water park. The kids had a blast.

After we left the Conqueror turned to me and said, "That was fun Mom. I think they wanted to do that for the kids like us because they are missing the hugs and kisses from Dad in Iraq."

So true!

We've turned a corner....

I think we have all realized that the only way we are going to make it through these last few weeks is to concentrate on how close homecoming is!!!!!!!!!! Everyone is focused on homecoming...planning outfits (not me, but my fashionista daughter), posters (the Conqueror) and talking about the hugs they'll be getting (bean). I am in fact encouraging it all at this point....it seems to help abate the inevitable tantrums and crises.

Fire Ants are Not My Friends....

Yesterday I discovered that I am allergic to fire ants. Who knew? Although with the number of auto-immune issues in the family, it really isn't all that surprising.

I stepped on a low lying nest getting into my car and got about 7 bites. My friend kindly got me a benadryl immediately after I let a few German curse words slip and danced around until I got them off. For you northerners they are like little sea lampreys that don't let go until you pinch them off. Anyway, driving home my ears started itching on the inside and turning red, then my scalp, and then my arm broke out, all the while the welts on my foot were amazing. Long story short by the time I got home I was covered in welts and my eyes were starting to itch and get little welts at the side. I called to get a doctors appointment but they were full so then I asked to talk to the nurse who after hearing my symptoms told me to get to the ER ASAP. So, after throwing cheese sticks at the two older girls I threw all 3 girls in the van and booked it to Eisenhower. You should have seen me getting airborne on the speed bumps!

At that point I was ok, just in a lot of pain but just scared that it would jump to the next step and affect my breathing. I was just trying to keep myself calm. Anyway, we got there in one piece and I was whisked in. Never have I spent so little time in an ER. There was absolutely no waiting.

In our room they immediately started a line for some drugs at which point, wait for it, baby decided to have a diaper explosion of EPIC proportions. The nurse was seriously sticking me when it happened. Never in 8 years of diapering have I been covered like that. GROSS. I am guessing someone needed a lot of prayers yesterday. And through all this the big girls, unlunched, were complaining they were hungry.

After the nurse left P. called and he got the brunt of my anxiety. After we got off the phone, his colleague, who is actually out processing, came in and clothed the naked and fed the hungry. He brought me scrubs and took the girls away for lunch. It was perfect timing because they had just drugged me up and I was so woozy and I was able to sleep while baby slept. He was my guardian angel!!! We finally got to go home after about 3 hours. Never a dull moment!!

Now I am living in fear of the little buggers. They are everywhere around here until at least November, so I am going to have to come to grips with this pretty darn soon. Then again, I guess now I have the perfect excuse to hang out poolside, and only poolside, for the rest of the summer! : ) Anyway, the Epi-pen, I won't be leaving home without it. I have one in my purse and another one in my kitchen. I am trying to decide if I want to show the Conqueror how to use it on me. In a real emergency that would be good, but I think the trade off of terrifying my sensitive son just wouldn't be worth it!! And for those of you disappointed that I say I am never moving north again due to the cold weather I have duly noted that colder climates have no fire ants, so that's a point in your favor!

Only 44 days to go...but really who's counting??

Spring Take 2

I wanted to cut down the ivy on my porch (ok its not ivy but you know what I mean) but now it is bloom. I figure P. would like to see it so in the interest of full disclosure here it is!

He's ruining my life...

Cookie Monster that is. You see my girls have some sort of weird fascination with him, particularly his image as it appears on Pampers. I am a name brand diaper enthusiast, having tried the other brands and decided the savings wasn't worth it. So...every package has a few Cookie Monsters in it. It all started with Biki and I would have to hide all the Cookies from the package until the other ones were gone because otherwise she'd go hunting for them. Inevitably she would tear apart whole boxes full of diapers looking for the "cookie mons". I will find piles of diapers neatly sorted with all the cookie monsters set aside. Vern! V-E-R-N!!!

Well, she passed her obsession onto Beanie who also searches for the cookies. But it is getting worse. I worry they will indoctrinate baby. I recently found them tearing apart a whole package of baby diapers trying to find the "baby cookie mons!" When I ask someone to get a diaper it takes four times as long because they are searching for the cookie monsters. Argh. If I wasn't so attached to pampers I could solve this problem. Hmmm....can one practice detachment from diapers that work? I guess so.

Pagan No More

One of these days I am going to put that on a Baptism cake.....this was probably my best shot too since P. wasn't around to stop me! Oh well...when push comes to shove I don't have the guts. That's probably a good thing! : )

Anyway, the baptism was great....how wonderful of the godparents and kids to come down. Our kids had a blast!!!